Not much going on here. Now 10 weeks pregnant, and things are going well. Haven't been too sick, just a handful of days that were really bad.
The new job didn't end up happening. Evan interviewed me, but another lady also applied and had a really good resume for the job, so he gave the job to her. I think it probably is for the best, but I was still disappointed. I didn't realize until I looked into this other job how much I didn't like about my current position. And now with some upcoming projects, I have a feeling it is going to only get worse.....oh' joy!
And...still unbelievably lazy. Don't know where to turn to figure this out. I just want to sit..all....day...long. I think of the laundry and the cleaning I need to do, but I don't do it. Think of the the activities I could do with Jackson, but don't do it. Don't even spend my time on the computer doing something productive like scrapbooking or anything, just waste my time doing stupid shit.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
It's positive! I am pregnant! Dave and I took the test Tuesday, and it was definitely positive. Ok...so I tested last weekend too, and it came out positive so I was pretty sure I was pregnant, but I wanted Dave to be part of it. Based on all the different dates, I think I am about 4-5 weeks along, which puts my due date around Sept 25th. Pretty good timing as far as Dave's travel schedule. He usually has some shows in Oct, but not near like the spring. Mom's usually travels a lot in Sept & Oct which isn't great, but we will make due. I am excited & nervous. I kind of forget all the feelings that come with pregnancy, even though it has only been 3 years ago! The nervousness of miscarriage, the fear of labor, the wondering if there are any problems with the baby. Just so many thoughts....
Not sure when we will tell everyone, probably sometime next month. Maybe J's birthday party.
Other than that, not much new. Job is still up in the air, although I am pretty sure it is a no-go. Cyndee emailed me Thursday to say Eunice said no exception, but oddly enough, no one had talked with Evan! So Evan said he was going to talk with Dave G and get back with me. And I haven't heard anything yet. Disappointing because I had got myself excited about the job, and now that it won't work it out, it has me realizing how many things I am frustrated with in my current position. I feel like there is so much stuff to do and I am so tired of holding Laura's hand and listening to all of her whining and carrying on. Things seem to slip through the cracks and I just can't give the attention to things that I need to. I am constantly just staying about the water, but never get to the "other" things I need to. But, since I won't get the other job, this is where I am stuck, so I might as well make the best of it. I am DREADING the 5010 project which is already behind schedule. I am a feeling it is going to be a nightmare.
I was pretty worthless today. Didn't do much of anything, which not too happy about. Why or why am I so lazy?!?! I just can not get a grip on it. I should be productive and instead I sit here and waste time. And once I have two kids to chase around, I will have to get my ass in gear.
Not sure when we will tell everyone, probably sometime next month. Maybe J's birthday party.
Other than that, not much new. Job is still up in the air, although I am pretty sure it is a no-go. Cyndee emailed me Thursday to say Eunice said no exception, but oddly enough, no one had talked with Evan! So Evan said he was going to talk with Dave G and get back with me. And I haven't heard anything yet. Disappointing because I had got myself excited about the job, and now that it won't work it out, it has me realizing how many things I am frustrated with in my current position. I feel like there is so much stuff to do and I am so tired of holding Laura's hand and listening to all of her whining and carrying on. Things seem to slip through the cracks and I just can't give the attention to things that I need to. I am constantly just staying about the water, but never get to the "other" things I need to. But, since I won't get the other job, this is where I am stuck, so I might as well make the best of it. I am DREADING the 5010 project which is already behind schedule. I am a feeling it is going to be a nightmare.
I was pretty worthless today. Didn't do much of anything, which not too happy about. Why or why am I so lazy?!?! I just can not get a grip on it. I should be productive and instead I sit here and waste time. And once I have two kids to chase around, I will have to get my ass in gear.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Just need a spot to write my thoughts....so I figured I would start my own private blog. Different then the "family" pretty one, this is one I will just write what I am thinking..feeling just for my own "benefit".
Where am I now in life....
Well....I think I am pregnant! Not quite sure yet, but should probably know later this week. We have been trying the last few months, and I was getting a little worried since it was so easy to get pregnant with J. And also it was easy the first time, when I miscarried. And, of course, that is always in the back of my mind. What if it happens again?? I know I survived last time, but it is just such a struggle. I have been sick to my stomach a couple times the last few days and seem to be hungry a lot. But...hell...I am always hungry or at least looking for an excuse to eat, so that could just be me making it up. I kinda regret waiting this long to get pregnant again. I just didn't feel quite ready last year and I kept wanting to lose more weight, but now I wish we would have just started trying. But, I am down 25 lbs in the last 15 months, so I guess that is healthier. So...I guess it is just a waiting game now! Not sure how I will tell Dave if I am pregnant, he already knows that I think I might be, so it won't be much of a surprise. Then there is telling my parents etc. Part of me wants to just keep it our secret for a while, but that is not always easy with mom. But I will just take it one day at a time and see what happens.
What else....oh..my job. Been at "everence" (aka MMA) for 11 years now, can't believe it! But about 2 weeks ago, Evan Bontrager (mom's boss) tapped me on the shoulder about a different job. It would be "Director, Vendor Relations", sounds kinda scary! Out of my comfort zone, but still intrigues me. He is willing to work with my part time status, which is great. Not sure how much longer we will have claims to setup for, so in that way it may be a good move. But at the same time, I know what I am doing know and feel like I am really good at it, so the stress of the "unknown" scares me. But it may all be for nothing because after talking with Cyndee last week, since mom and I would both report to Evan, which isn't allowed, they may not let me even go for it. Which pisses me off, but I guess I understand. I just think at some high level they have to let it happen. It isn't like we are claim examiners together. So...again...take it one day at a time and see what happens.
Hey...is that my life right now?? Maybe pregnant....maybe new job?!? Comforting.
Then there is always the weight issue. Grrrr...I hate it! No one to blame except myself. And in Oct & Nov I had done really good with exercise, but then after Thanksgiving I feel off the wagon. It was frustrating. The last week or so, I have got down there a couple times, but not consistently like I need to be. I was running 2-3 miles last fall!!! Why or why did I stop! It is just so hard to get motivated. I have such a ways to go, and I seem to never make much progress so I just feel deflated and frustrated. And, if I am pregnant, I will just put the weight on again. I know...I know...but it would help with keeping the weight gain in check, but hard to remember that.
Tomorrow is a new day...but a work day, so I am sure I won't get much done.
Where am I now in life....
Well....I think I am pregnant! Not quite sure yet, but should probably know later this week. We have been trying the last few months, and I was getting a little worried since it was so easy to get pregnant with J. And also it was easy the first time, when I miscarried. And, of course, that is always in the back of my mind. What if it happens again?? I know I survived last time, but it is just such a struggle. I have been sick to my stomach a couple times the last few days and seem to be hungry a lot. But...hell...I am always hungry or at least looking for an excuse to eat, so that could just be me making it up. I kinda regret waiting this long to get pregnant again. I just didn't feel quite ready last year and I kept wanting to lose more weight, but now I wish we would have just started trying. But, I am down 25 lbs in the last 15 months, so I guess that is healthier. So...I guess it is just a waiting game now! Not sure how I will tell Dave if I am pregnant, he already knows that I think I might be, so it won't be much of a surprise. Then there is telling my parents etc. Part of me wants to just keep it our secret for a while, but that is not always easy with mom. But I will just take it one day at a time and see what happens.
What else....oh..my job. Been at "everence" (aka MMA) for 11 years now, can't believe it! But about 2 weeks ago, Evan Bontrager (mom's boss) tapped me on the shoulder about a different job. It would be "Director, Vendor Relations", sounds kinda scary! Out of my comfort zone, but still intrigues me. He is willing to work with my part time status, which is great. Not sure how much longer we will have claims to setup for, so in that way it may be a good move. But at the same time, I know what I am doing know and feel like I am really good at it, so the stress of the "unknown" scares me. But it may all be for nothing because after talking with Cyndee last week, since mom and I would both report to Evan, which isn't allowed, they may not let me even go for it. Which pisses me off, but I guess I understand. I just think at some high level they have to let it happen. It isn't like we are claim examiners together. So...again...take it one day at a time and see what happens.
Hey...is that my life right now?? Maybe pregnant....maybe new job?!? Comforting.
Then there is always the weight issue. Grrrr...I hate it! No one to blame except myself. And in Oct & Nov I had done really good with exercise, but then after Thanksgiving I feel off the wagon. It was frustrating. The last week or so, I have got down there a couple times, but not consistently like I need to be. I was running 2-3 miles last fall!!! Why or why did I stop! It is just so hard to get motivated. I have such a ways to go, and I seem to never make much progress so I just feel deflated and frustrated. And, if I am pregnant, I will just put the weight on again. I know...I know...but it would help with keeping the weight gain in check, but hard to remember that.
Tomorrow is a new day...but a work day, so I am sure I won't get much done.
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